main hoon ke main nahi

main hoon ke main nahi,
hairaan hoon,pareshaan hoon,
ki main hoon ke main nahi
 hairaan hoon pareshaan hoon
ki main hoon ke main nhi.......

mod par aakar khada hoon main
 jang mere swabhimaan ki hai
rukna mera karam nhi
phir bhi
main hoon ki main nhi

kya samjhaoon main in logon ko,
main kya hoon kya tha,
kya samjhege ye main nhi jaanta,
phir bhi khud ko nhi pehchaan ta
prashan zahaan mein liye phir rha hoon ek hi,
main hoon ki main nhi

kho gya hoon shaayad jo nhi dikhta bheed mein,
khoya hoon issi wajah se ro rha hoon need mein
shayad main khood ko bhool gya hoon tabhi sooch ta hoon
 main hoon ki main nhi

toot rha hoon roz har din har pal
 aaur bikhar rha mera haar ik pal
pehchaanta nhi main uss pal ko shayad issi liye
main hoon ki main nhi.

pe ye mera aanth nhi shuruwaat hai
jaald hi dhalne waalim ye raat hai
samajh gya hoon ki ye meri manzil nhi
tabhi shayad shoch badal gayi hai meri........
aab nhi poochoonga ki main hoon ki main nhi kyon ki mujhe pta chal gya hai ki
                    main hi tha main hi hoon aaur main hi rahoonga
                           
                                                                                                          -anjaan

HUSNA

"aaj bharat mein diwali hogi,kuch din baad lodi jalegi,aaur saath hi jaalegi meri husna............
husna ki yaadein aaur uske do din baad meri faansi hogi.....aaur mein husna ka ho jaaonga..
maine aapni maut likh li hai,chahein bharat ho ya pakistan koi nahi samajh sakte hamaare zasbaaton ko....
                                           aaj 24 octobar ki shaam hai. husna, main aapne bairak no.13 setumhe khat likh rha hoonki agar yeh khat tum tak pahunche to tum rona mat jashn manana kyon ki jaise-jaise  hamaare khat kam ho jaayenge hum milne ke kareeb ho jaayenge....
eid bhi aa rahi hai.tum apne sajne ki aadat ko kaayam rakhna , mere liye dua karna aaur mangna ki tum aaur mein jaldhi ek ho jaayein......

"rann,rann,uth yaar eid hai............"   mere bairak no 13 mein ek aawaj aati hai ye koi aaur nhi delavar bhai hain...unhi ki wajah se maine jine ka faisla kiya kiya hai......
unhi ne mujhse kaha ki:
                  "कमजोर ही आत्म हत्या करते हैं "
unki iss baatpar maine zid krli ki main aatmhatya nhi karoonga kyon ki main kamjoor nhi hoon...
mujhe bhi jaasoos samjha jaa rha tha.Usi din se jis din main husna se milne pakistan aaya tha.
main khaat likhta tha roz likhta tha eid ko bhi likha tha.......
udhar husna ki shaadi ki tyaariyaan shuru ho gayi thi.badkismati se jisnemujhe jasoos saabit kiya tha vo hi husna ka shauhar tha....husna jinda thi par aatma mar gayi thi...usi din jis din mere aanthn ki taeerk usske pati ne ghoshit kari thi.......kya kasoor tha meri husna ka jo use maar diya................................
      
main roeoonga nhi kyon ki aagar main kamzoor pad gya to husna toot jayegi..delawar bhai ke radio pr hamne suyna hi bharatiya kaidiyon ko pakistaan riha kr rha hai........mere aanya bharatiya saathiyon mein utsaah bhar gyapr mere dil ka zara sa bhi mann nhi tha iss mulk ko chod ke jaane ka jisne mujhe meri husna se milwaaya.......dharam granthon mein likha hai ke shareer nalag hai aatma ek.......husna aaur meri bhi aatma ek thi uus din se jis din hume aapne pyaar ka pta chala.......
agle din mujhe mere bairak se mujhe le jaya gya........pta nhim kyon mujhe uss din accha nhi lag rha tha......subedaar ne mujhse ek court ke notice pr sign karwaye aaur kha ki main aazaad hone wala hoon......sunte hi main zoor zoor se haans ne laga..........
                                                                           maine wo  notice  faad diya.
subaha november 1 aaj mera janm din hai aaj wo hi din hai jis din tumne mujhe pehli baar naam se bulaaya tha..........aaj bhi pukaarna...ye salaakhen mujhse keh rahi hainki tumhara pyaar mujhse milne ke liya
tadap rha hai.....
aaj ek baat bataata honn tumhe pata hai ki pakistaan ke saath saath hindustaan bhi rota hai har raat har din tumhaare liye mere liye haum dono ke liya.........
aaj mujhe kushi hai ki 2 mahine 13 din baad tum aaur main ek hio jaayenge.....
mere kath tum tak pahunche yaa nhi isse dil se swikaar karna................

maine delaawar bhai se kha hai ki aagar meri maaut meri faansi se pehle aa jaye to tum meri adhoori kahaani poori karna......
saarkaari notice faadne ke vbaad mujhe kai dino tak mara gya pr mere aaham ne mujhe marne nhi diya kyon ki main husna husna ko iitni jaldi nhi maarna chahta.......
hamaari taareek jo hamne khaton main chuni hia vo 13 iss liye haikyonki uss din husna puri 25 ki ho jaayegi jo ki shaadi ki ek saahi umaar hai.......
mere khaton ko jo pahunchaane mein j meri madad karte the wo bhi dhokebaaz nikle mere khath husna tak pahunche hi nhi..........pr maine hi thaani thi ki main aaue husna ek honge 13 ko hi honge............
dhire- dhire mahine beete maine bhi kai khat likhe aaur vo jalaadiye gaye iss beech kai court ki tareekh bhi aayi jin pr maine aapni jagah delawar bhai ka naam aazaad hone ke liya ghoshit kar diya..............
                 "mujhe to marna hi hai ,main shaheed nhi kehlaaonga pe main husna se mil jaaonga"

aaj 10 january hai aaur main husna ko aakhri khat likh rha hoon,aaur main aaisa kuch nhi likhoonga jo tumhe rulaaye jindgi kr 3 din reh gaye hain phir hamaara nikaah, shaadi dono hongeaaur hum ek ho jaayenge...............mujhe pta hai ki ye khath bhi jala diya jaayega lekin mere mann ki chetna ka prabhaav tha ya kuch aaue jisne meri haar baat ko husna taak pahunchaya..............

AAJ antim din main apni maut ka intzaar kar rha thaki jald hi main husna se miloon......
aaj ke hi din vo 25 ki ho rhi thi ....aaj hi uska nikaah hai.....lekin kisi aaur ke saath nhi mere saath.....
pta nhi kyon delaawar bhai ro rhe hain phoot phoot ke aaj main unhe nhi rookoonga.....................

thik 4.30 pm , main suli ke paas tha aaur husna aapne kamre main tyaar ho rhi thi.....
mujhe maut di gyi aaur husna aapne kamre se kood gyi............
                   aab main aaur husna ek the aapne shareer ko dekh rhe the mujhe roonba aa rha tha delaawar bhai pe pta nhi kyon??????????????

26 january main delaawar singh pakistaan se lauta ek militant aapnedost rann ki kahaani ka aanth kar rha hoon.......
aaue yah likh rha hoon ki aaj bharat ka ek bada din hai magar yeh desh aab bhi bahut chota hai..............

                                                                                          -anjaan